Edward Lear's Nonsense Books

Edward Lear's nonsense books complete set - online version

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An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies; And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops, Ten Boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops. He tried to run back to his house, but in vain, For scores of fat Pigs came again and again: They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors; They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers; And now from the housetops with screechings descend Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end: They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat, When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that; They speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice, And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice; They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall, Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.
And he said to himself, as he bolted the door, "I will not wear a similar dress any more, Any more, any more, any more, never more!"
Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos Climbed to the top of a wall. And they sate to watch the sunset sky, And
to hear the Nupiter Piffkin cry, And the Biscuit Buffalo call. They took up a roll and some
Camomile tea,
And both were as happy as happy could be,
Till Mrs. Discobbolos said, "Oh! W! X! Y! Z! It has just come into my head, Suppose we should
happen to fall!!!!! Darling Mr. Discobbolos!
"Suppose we should fall down flumpetty,
Just like pieces of stone, On to the thorns, or into the moat, What would become of your new green
coat? And might you not break a bone? It never occurred to me before,
That perhaps we shall never go down any more!"
And Mrs. Discobbolos said, "Oh! W! X! Y! Z! What put it into your head To climb up this wall, my
own Darling Mr. Discobbolos?"
Mr. Discobbolos answered,
"At first it gave me pain, And I felt my ears turn perfectly pink When your exclamation made me
think We might never get down again! But now I believe it is wiser far
To remain for ever just where we are."