284 Old-time Schools and School-books
and original pieces, Narrative, Didactic, Argumentative, Poetical, Descriptive, Pathetic, Humorous, and Entertaining, together with Dialogues, Speeches, Orations, Addresses, and Harangues." The following is an example of what the book calls humorous : —
AWKWARDNESS IN COMPANY.
1. WHEN an awkward fellow first comes into a room, he attempts to bow, and his sword, if he wears one, gets between his legs, and nearly throws him down, Confused and ashamed, he stumbles to the upper end of the room, and seats himself in the very place where he should not. He there begins playing with his hat, which he presently drops ; and recovering his hat, he lets fall his cane; and, in picking up his cane, down goes his hat again. Thus 'tis a considerable time before he is adjusted.
2. When his tea or coffee is handed to him, he spreads his handkerchief upon his knees, scalds his mouth, drops either the cup or saucer, and spills the tea or coffee in his lap. At dinner, he seats himself upon the edge of his chair, at so great a distance from the table, that he frequently drops his meat between his plate and his mouth; he holds his knife, fork, and spoon, differently from other people; eats with his knife to the manifest danger of his mouth; and picks his teeth with his fork.
3. If he is to carve he cannot hit the joint ; but, in laboring to cut through the bone, splashes the sause over every body's clothes. He generally daubs himself all over; his elbows are in the next person's plate; and he is up to the knuckles in soup and grease. If he drinks, 'tis with his mouth full, interrupting the whole company with, u To your good health, Sir," and " My service to you ; " perhaps coughs in his glass, and besprinkles the whole table.