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Good wine (but there was none to be got).
The water of a smith’s forge.
Ambergris.
Mandrake pillows.
Dormouse fat.
Hares’ ears.
Starvation.
Camphor.
Salts and senna.
Musk.
Opium.
Strait-waistcoats.
Bullyings.
Bumpings.
Bleedings.
Bucketings with cold water.
Knockings down.
Kneeling on his chest till they broke it in, etc. etc.; after the medieval or monkish method: but that
would not do. Bumpsterhausen’s blue follicles stuck there still.
Then -
4. Coaxing. Kissing.
Champagne and turtle. Red herrings and soda water. Good advice. Gardening. Croquet. Musical soirees. Aunt Salty. Mild tobacco. The Saturday Review. A carriage with outriders, etc. etc.
After the modern method. But that would not do.
And if he had but been a convict lunatic, and had shot at the Queen, killed all his creditors to avoid paying them, or indulged in any other little amiable eccentricity of that kind, they would have given him in addition -
The healthiest situation in England, on Easthampstead Plain.
Free run of Windsor Forest.
The Times every morning.
A double-barrelled gun and pointers, and leave to shoot three Wellington College boys a week (not more) in case black game was scarce. |
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